5 Signs You Need A New Therapist

Earlier this year, I began my journey with my current therapist after being with my ex-therapist for over two years. Initially, I thought that I was going to quit therapy all together after my experiences with the therapist I will call Nadine (not their real name). Nadine was friendly and we shared a similar cultural background, which made explaining certain issues much easier. I immediately clicked with her and thought that this was a sign things were finally going to work out. In the beginning, I had some revelatory moments that made me think this would be the therapist for me, but as time went on the revelations stopped and I found myself in an endless cycle of frustration. Nadine literally got to a point where she said she had used all of the tools she had and said, without saying, that she could no longer help me.

This was devastating. As someone that was forced into therapy as a teen (a pain point I still work on now) I felt that I was doing everything “right” by going to therapy in the first place. Now the therapist was throwing up her hands, so to speak, and it made me feel like I was beyond help. I knew then that I had two choices: find a new therapist, or give up on therapy all together–I chose a new therapist. I don’t want you to get to this point, so I wrote out this post for you. Here are 5 signs you might want to consider switching therapists. Please note, I am not a professional. This is not medical advice, just something to think about.

You’re Not Making Any Progress

Have you been going to therapy for a few months but haven’t had any “Aha!” moments or felt an improvement? It might be a sign that your therapist isn’t right for you. According to Grow Therapy, you should see improvement around 12-20 therapy sessions in, while some people see improvements right away. If you’re not feeling any source of improvement in your moods or mentality, you might want to think about switching therapists.

Your Therapy Sessions Feel Like A Chat With Friends

You should have a good rapport with your therapist, but they shouldn’t feel nor act like a best friend. Your therapist should challenge you, from the way you talk about yourself to the way you interpret your feelings. You’re there to learn and grow, and sometimes that can be uncomfortable. Your therapist shouldn’t be a “Yes” man, as the old saying goes, or provide zero feedback when you’re speaking.

You’re Not Being Given Tools

Therapy isn’t just about venting, it’s about learning. You should be learning tools to help manage your depression and anxiety such as breathing and relaxation techniques as well as boundaries. Getting “homework assignments” like being assigned a book to read, podcasts to listen to, or YouTubes to watch, are also signs of a good therapist (as long as that’s not all they rely on).

You Feel Unsafe

If, for whatever reason, your therapist makes you feel unsafe, you need to change therapists. A therapist is someone you share your deepest emotions and feelings with. You share your past and present traumas with them and they should make you feel safe. If there are red flags like those listed in this article from Grow Therapy, you should change therapists.

You’ve Been There Longer Than Five Years*

I added an asterisk as a stipulation, because this tenet came from my own therapist. Most of the people I know that are in therapy have been with their therapist for nearly a decade. When I was asking my therapist about improvement expectations, she eventually told me about her expectations and beliefs regarding her practice and her “rules”, so to speak. She mentioned that she told another patient, who joked about never leaving her as a therapist, that she didn’t go beyond a 5 year point with people. She said that her therapy knowledge had limitations, and after a while there is only so much she could do before a new therapy style should be recommended. If you’ve been with your therapist for more than 5 years, you might want to consider a new style of therapy or a new therapist as well.